Blessed

Preface:
I wrote this in February 2011, and have held on to it since then. I received permission from the family to post it on my blog, and I'm so thankful that they have. Since I wrote this story, this family received and accepted a referral of a baby girl from Ethiopia. I believe she is the child God had for them when they began the adoption process four years ago. They have had a long adoption journey filled with many obstacles and heartaches, but through it all, they believed God had a purpose and plan, and never waivered that He had called them to adopt a baby girl from Ethiopia. In my work, I have asked God to place those He would have for me in my path. He answered my prayer boldly with this family. This is their story:

Today started as any other. I went to the office, checked my email, chatted with my co-workers briefly before heading out on a visit. I was looking forward to seeing this particular family, as it has been nearly a year, and my update was to be on the health of the husband. I went to their house knowing that he, a young and fit looking gentleman, had suffered a heart attack early last summer, and that I must report on whether or not he was now ready to parent an adopted child.

One of my greatest blessings is the clients that God places in my life. I have been privileged to get to know amazing people who teach me as much about myself as they do about themselves through their stories. And I have always liked the couple that I met with today. Their adoption journey has been long, arduous and filled with obstacles. But in spite of that, they are always warm and friendly, but today, as soon as I they opened the door, I sensed a difference in them and in the very essence of their home. He looked different. She looked different, but what was it? Nothing I could say definitively. It was in their eyes, the way they carried themselves, the ease of their movements, and the love between them was palpable on a clearly spiritual level.

I, there with file in hand, sat and began asking the appointed questions, and they dutifully answered, but deeper questions filled my mind. And soon, we got past the surface and into the story, and I was transported to a place of peace. Thankfully, this couple plans to write a book on their experience and you will not have to rely fully on my retelling of what is clearly their miracle, their gift from the Lord. But today, I sat in awe of the God I serve, Jesus, my Savior, and felt inspired to share with those I know. I have asked this family for permission to share their story and they so graciously agreed.

It was Sunday morning, around 7 am on June 6, 2010, and they had just woken up. She recalls that her husband kept getting in and out of bed, which is unlike him. Finally, she asked him what was wrong, and he complained of his right shoulder hurting, and eventually complained that his stomach was hurting as well. When he began sweating, she decided that she needed to take him to the emergency room - he must have been in great pain to be sweating, after all. He tried to balk at the idea of going to the hospital, but she insisted. When they arrived at the hospital, he refused to allow her to drop him off at the ER door, and instead walked in with her. She told the triage nurse that he was suffering from right shoulder pain, stomach pain and chest pain. The triage nurse immediately “diagnosed” him with having gall bladder issues, and ordered shoulder x-rays to that effect – after snipping at him that he needed to breathe better.

He endured the lengthy x-ray process, and as the ER doctors left to assess them, he, standing up, grabbed his chest, looked at his wife, and fell over the gurney. She ran to him, believing he had suffered a seizure – as he was lifeless and distorted – and somehow turned him around in the seated position, so he was leaning on her. Then he fell over, lifeless in her arms. Then, she lifted him back onto the gurney, laying him down, with his head on the pillow – yelling for help. They whisked him away, leaving her with no answers. A doctor came out and spoke to her saying, “You need to call immediate relatives and your pastor,” and though she knew what he meant, she did not break down, but called them and went to an empty room to pray. When her pastor arrived, they prayed together, until a nurse came and told them that they could see him, “But he will not move, and he will not know you are there.” She went to him and laid her hands on his chest praying for him. But he did move and he raised-up when she told him that she was there. Shortly after, she and the pastor were told to leave as they whisked him out of the room again. She did not notice, as the pastor did, that he had flat-lined, again.

In the waiting room, family arrived and she recounted that he had had a seizure and passed out. Hearing this, a nurse corrected her by saying he had not had a seizure, but that they had lost him due to a heart attack – and later she learned that he had been gone for 35 minutes. Doctors did not believe that he would be able to recover, but that he would be unable to move or function cognitively due to severe brain damage from a loss of oxygen. The waiting room filled with church members, who prayed unceasingly. She, due to her firm foundation in Christ, knew that somehow she would be ok, because He would take care of her, though she, of course, prayed that He would heal him.

In the flurry of activity of the crowd that had formed in the waiting room, she felt that she had to be alone and take the steps the two of them had walked that morning into the ER. As she did, she realized that she had walked in front of him and felt an enormous wave of guilt wash over her. “Lord, forgive me, for walking in front of him and not being there to help him.” In response, He said, “It was not yours to do, I had him.” And He showed her a vision of him walking surrounded by angels and angels surrounding her as well. Later, she felt fear realizing that he had died before her eyes when he had dropped to the gurney. But God gave her a vision of something – like a figure - behind him as he fell, and God said to her, “Death is ugly, but he was with Me.” Also realizing and wondering how she had lifted him to the gurney after he died, God showed her a vision of angels helping her.

Late in the evening of that Sunday, it was apparent that he would live and was making enormous strides – beyond the imagination or understanding of the doctors and nurses. One of the ER doctors who had been there as they tried to revive him came out and apologized for wanting to give up (the cardiologist wanted to continue), and asked her how she was handling it all so well. She told him that she prayed and the Lord was comforting her. The doctor wept and acted profoundly humbled. It is her prayer that he will never give up on another patient again.

I asked him if he went to Heaven. I recently read the book The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, which I feel was God’s way of preparing me for this visit. In it, the boy, who also suffered a massive injury (internal decapitation) which he should not have been able to recover from, went to Heaven and was able to describe his experience in vivid detail. I was intrigued. “Yes, I did,” he said. And the moment that he did, the Holy Spirit entered the room. It was a physical sensation – a powerful tranquility. He recounted that by Tuesday he was coming out of the drug induced stupor and beginning to have brief visions – fields and cliffs, but nothing clear or concise. He spoke to his pastor about it, and his reply was to pray for God to reveal it to him. So, he prayed. And one night, lying in bed, it was revealed to him. He rolled over to tell his wife, and when she saw him, his face was glowing supernaturally – as Moses when he came down from the mountain after being in God’s presence – and he whispered, “I remember.” He recounted that he was floating – lying on his back – over a beautiful field and could see a cliff and in the sky he saw two clouds. Out of the clouds came rays of light – brighter than the sun, but didn’t hurt his eyes and he wanted to be in the light - and then above the clouds, as big as the sky was the silhouette of Jesus – but he could not see his face. Jesus shook his head and said, “Not yet. Not yet.” And he came back.

I suddenly understood why they seemed different. They are no longer “of” this world. They are still in this world, but they have reached an understanding of God that few of us ever will. God has chosen them for that purpose. I wanted to stay there today, because their house is full of peace. Their eyes are full of wisdom, and love is pouring from them. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I understood and believed God on a deeper spiritual level, and I knew that I would never be able to describe that to anyone who was not in that moment.

Some would dismiss the spiritual aspects of this story. But the facts are hard to deny:

He died from a massive heart attack on Sunday. He was dead for 35 minutes. He was not supposed to recover. He was not supposed to regain brain function. He has no brain damage, and is fully functional. He was shocked 11 times. He had no bruising on his heart or other heart damage. He walked out of the hospital on Friday.

As a result of his heart attack, they have experienced many more miracles than I have recounted here. And I am thankful that they plan to share their story in book form one day, because it needs to be told. It will bless many people in countless ways.

I am so thankful to God for the life He has given me, the people He has placed in it, and the path He has set me on. In this crazy, turbulent world, it is my desire that everyone feel the Peace of Jesus Christ.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27

My Daddy

August 6, 2011

Next month, I will be 39 years old. To me, this means my life is half over, which isn’t scary or sad to me, at least not yet. What I don’t like about getting older is that it means my grandparents and parents are too. I’ve already lost three of my grandparents, one to whom I was extremely close, my grandpa Joe. He was my mom’s dad. A dairy farmer in Wisconsin. He wore pin-striped overalls every day, had a quick wit, spoke Norwegian to his brothers so no one knew what he was saying, and loved me with a love that was tangible. He called me “Annie”, and I looked forward to spending summers with him at the farm. He’d always “give” me a calf during my stay and, interestingly, her name would always be Daisy, even if it was a boy. Grandpa would tear up when it was time for me to leave, and promise to buy me a pony if I would come to live with him on the farm. Many times I wanted to take him up on it, because I loved him, my grandma and the farm so much.

I have many memories of my beloved grandpa, but two really stand out. The first was when I was about 14 years old, and life at home was complicated. I was also in the midst of my early teen years, moody and sad. He came in from his chores one day at noon, and I was crying. My grandpa sat down at the kitchen table and asked me why I was crying, and I told him. He sat and listened to my adolescent rantings, taking every word very seriously, listening hard and looking me in the eye. This was not our normal scenario, and I was struck at how he cared. Then he told me that he loved me, and that he knew my feelings were real, but he told me to hang on, nothing lasts forever and things will get better. Time has a way of taking care of things. When he died, this was the first thing I thought of, and I felt so blessed to have this moment that was just ours. The second memory was another time we were alone, talking. This time, I knew he was sick, but I didn’t know it was the last time I would see him. My grandmother was in the hospital and my mother and step-father were visiting her. My grandpa was having trouble with short term memory. He’d ask the same questions over and over, but he clearly remembered the past, and in vivid detail. He had been a sergeant in the army during World War II, stationed in Italy as a medic. I’d always loved his stories of that time, and he loved telling them. So, we spent the entire afternoon talking about his life, the war, meeting my grandmother, and his dreams. What a gift he gave me that day, and I am so glad I have such an amazing memory to unwrap now and then.

I’m also losing my grandmother to Alzheimer’s. What a beastly disease it is. She has always been the picture of health physically, as well as spiritually. But her mind has just been robbed, and with each passing year, she is farther and farther away. My grandmother is the most amazing person I have ever known. Pure, kind, godly, loving, innocent, compassionate, simple and good. She is a saint. I can still hear her voice saying my name, while patting my leg and hugging me in her cozy farm house that was my favorite place on earth.

And so, what makes me think of this today? Receiving a phone call that I have feared, and finding out how it feels to confront the fact that my parents are not invincible. And waves of grief, fear and powerlessness overtaking me, reminding me of when my grandfather died.

My step-mother called today while I took my children to an indoor pool. Because of the noise I did hear the call, so she left a message. “I hate to tell you this in a message,” she began, and I knew instantly that something was wrong with my Daddy. “Your Dad is in the hospital in Dearborn, Michigan, after having problems breathing and pain in his chest. They think he’s had congestive heart failure.” At that moment, my heart stopped. She’s talking about my Daddy. The man who has and would move heaven and earth for me. Immediately, I sobbed. Deep, guttural, and painful. My Daddy.

See, my Dad has always lived his life sacrificially for others. He wants everyone to have a good time and be happy. He sent my brother and me to a private Christian school. We were not rich, and my parents sacrificed a lot to send us to that school. But he never once complained, or even talked about it. He just wanted us to have the best education we could, and that made him happy. It was my dad who drove me to Wisconsin every summer – a 12 hour drive one way. He’d sleep, and drive back to Tennessee the next day. And, when my stay was over, he’d come get me. He’d drive all weekend, and go to work early Monday morning, happy that I’d had a good time with my grandparents. That is my Dad.

Christmas is my Dad’s favorite holiday. Christmas is a big deal in our family. The tradition we’ve created of shopping together on Christmas Eve day, then wrapping our gifts together in Santa’s workshop fashion and finally savoring the opening of each gift. It is my absolute favorite day of the year. The Christmas of my fourth grade year, my Dad bought a horse for me. He wrapped the key to the gate where my horse was being kept, as well as a saddle, bridle and halter. My dad bought a horse! Christmas morning, we went to meet my horse, who promptly bucked me off, but I was not deterred. That horse became my best friend for years and my Dad and I bonded while mucking out stalls. That is my Dad.

Before I was married, I lived in a condo with a friend who was never there. My car was stolen one night, and for weeks, I was scared whoever stole it would come to break in my condo. One morning while getting ready for work, I heard a crash downstairs, and I called my Dad. He worked about 15 minutes away, but I swear he was there in less than 5 with one of his coworkers, weapons in hand to catch the perpetrator. Turns out it was a large mirror that fell off the wall that crashed, but he was there to hang it back up. That is my Dad. It was also my Dad who found my stolen car when the police did not seem interested in investigating our case. He found it in a neighborhood known for drugs and other criminal activity. He called the police, and personally accompanied the officer to the front door to confront the thief. That is my Dad.

When Brian and I returned from China with our new daughter, my whole family and Brian’s mom were there to meet us. Dad, my step-mom, brother and sister-in-law had driven for two days to be there (we lived in Denver at the time). Everyone was all smiles, but I don’t ever remember my Dad smiling so big as when he met his grand-daughter. He told me, “She is truly a blessing!” I had a rough start into motherhood, and it was on my Daddy’s lap I sat and cried like a little girl.

And I wouldn’t be talking about my Dad if I didn’t mention his love for family vacations. He loves to get away from it all with the family, whether it’s a big trip like Disney World or a trout fishing trip in East Tennessee. I don’t think he’s ever happier than when my brother, sister-in-law and my family are with him on a vacation. And he never does anything small. It’s always with a lot of thought and preparation. He’s known to sit over maps for hours to plan out the logistics and details. He will sweat and toil to make sure everything is perfect. And it is, cause he’s there.

So now my Daddy is in a hospital hundreds of miles away, and I can’t run to him to make it better, like he ran to me when my mirror fell. And I’ve cried all day unable to turn off the tears.

My daughter said a prayer for him on Saturday night, “Dear Jesus, please send an angel down from heaven to comfort Poppy tonight.” Then she asked me if I thought He sent one right when she asked, and I said, “Yes baby, cause you believed with your heart and asked it in His name.” Thank you Jesus for sending an angel to comfort my Daddy when I can’t.

And this afternoon, I talked to him on the phone. He sounds weaker than normal, but he says he feels fine and wants to go home. A nurse was in the background, and in his usual way, he was making her laugh, cracking jokes and being friendly. He said he was in good hands, and told me not to come, not to worry, he was fine. But, that’s where my mind is. That’s where my heart is. When he comes home later this week, that’s where I’ll be. Probably sitting on his lap again, crying, cause I still can.

3 Months Later...

A friend of mine reminded me today that I have a blog… This is the friend (ah hem, Mary Leigh) who blogs religiously, and always, has something fun, inspiring or interesting to say. You see, I have things to say, I just don’t know who would care to hear or I don’t know when I’ve said too much.

This is what I mean: The most interesting things that I have to say can be better said by the people whose lives intersect with mine, or I can’t share because of confidentiality. I could talk about the day to day stuff with Noah and Sophia, but I mean, I don’t think I’d have one follower, except maybe my husband, and only because I’d force him to read it.

In the three months, yes, three months, since I last wrote on this blog, these are a brief overview of some of the things that have happened to me:

I found out that a man I know died of a massive heart attack. He was dead for thirty five minutes, and came back to life. I spoke with him and his wife, and they told me of their experiences. I left their house changed and with a deeper understanding of Jesus, angels and faith than when I entered. How do I put that into words when the testimony is theirs?

I met two amazing families, both called to adopt special needs children from China and each within a month found the children meant for them.

I’ve witnessed a family who has battled immigration and governments for nearly five years finally gain approval to bring their children home from Africa.

I have watched the faith journey of one family whose desire to adopt a child with Down Syndrome lead them out of their comfort zone across the globe to find the child clearly born to be theirs.

I have prayed that God lead families to me that He would have me serve, and come face to face with a family that told me they had prayed that God lead them to the social worker He had for them.

I am sure there are people who read this or my facebook posts and wonder why I am so adoption oriented. The answer is because that is where I see God – his grace and mercy and love for us reflected in human beings. Adoption has given me my greatest blessings – my children, some of my closest friends, and all of the amazing people I have met and the stories they have shared. And I can’t help but think of all the children in the world who haven’t yet been blessed by adoption. I pray every day that God will give me the honor and privilege of helping one more - in any way possible - for his glory.

Deuteronomy 10:18 He defends the cause of the fatherless

Deuteronomy 27:19 “Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.”

Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Isaiah 1:17 Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.

Psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

Recent Thoughts

So, I knew when I started this blog that I would not be the best blogger in the world. I have a friend who posts daily and all posts are entertaining and informative. I, however, am not that creative, and honestly, at the end of the day, the computer is the last thing at which I want to look.

But I digress...

2011 has started off as a very exciting year at work and among my friends. Many people I know - clients and/or friends - are expecting to travel in the next few weeks to meet and receive their children. China, Korea, and Ukraine will be the first three countries to welcome these families. One of my clients visited me late last week to have a final document notarized, and seeing her reminded me of how the adoption journey is so God-led, yet does not always turn out the way we first envisioned. It was this way for her - starting her journey with the hopes to adopt a 6 year old girl, yet traveling next week to adopt her baby boy.

That's how it was for Brian and me when we began our journey to Noah. After we adopted Sophia, we felt our family was complete. We had always discussed having one child, and when she came home, we felt in over our heads as parents. (Yeah, we were wimps) When she was 3 1/2 we both felt the call to adopt again - I sooner than Brian. I never thought he would change his mind about having one child. But, one night, while eating at a Chinese restaurant, a little Chinese girl Sophia's age came over to our table and sat down. She and Sophia began chit chatting and something clicked in Brian's heart. I will never forget that little girl, whose name was Zoe. Brian could see that Sophia was lacking so much by being an only child, as well as a recognition in another Asian child that she did not currently have in our family. His first thought was another girl Sophia's age from China, but because of increasing timelines, we quickly shifted our focus to Vietnam. When we began the homestudy process on September 9, 2007, Vietnam was a quick program, and we could request a girl, which is what Brian thought he really wanted - a sister for Sophia. We finished the homestudy in lightning speed, and I worked on the dossier tirelessly until was logged in in Vietnam the first week of January 2008. Throughout the process, I was open to a boy, and when Sophia first was told that we were going to adopt a sibling for her, she told me she wanted a brother. Brian would not be moved. He wanted a girl.

In March 2008, there were some red flags in the Vietnamese adoption process, and I began looking at children's profiles on Rainbowkids.com and found a little boy that touched my heart.

But another family was reviewing his file. This seemed to be the typical response when requesting information on children listed on Rainbowkids.com, but thankfully, he was listed with an agency that partners with Heaven Sent Children and I knew the caseworker. Two weeks later, she called and asked me if I wanted to review his file. "He is yours, if you want him," she said. I was done at that point. Of course I wanted him. I printed out his file and brought it home. Brian's response? "He's really cute! But he's a boy." hummmm You may be asking why Brian was so opposed to a boy at the time. First, I think he knew what being a daddy to a little girl was like, and he was in love with his daughter from the moment we met her. His whole world shifted to revolve around her when she was placed in our arms. Second, Brian is not a sports enthusiast, and was very concerned that he would not be a good father to a boy. Yeah, I know, that's crazy - he's a karate student and an avid hunter, nothing boyish there. But mostly, I think, he had it in his mind that our next child would be a girl, and he had a very difficult time wrapping his mind around a boy. It took him about a week, but one night at church, he wrote a note to me that said, "Let's say yes to Il Woo (Noah's name at the time)." Elated, I did not sleep that night, and driving to work the next morning, it is amazing that I did not run anyone over - I wanted to get there as soon as I could to call our partnering agency to say, "We want him. He's OURS." I got the words out, and walked on air the rest of that day. I had a SON! The next morning, I showed his picture to Sophia and told her that he would be her brother, and we would travel to Korea for him. She said, "I knew I would have a brother. God told me in my heart that I would have a brother." Why didn't we just listen to her to begin with? Coincidentally, my son was available for international adoption on September 9, 2007, the same day we began our homestudy.

It is my belief now that Noah was God's plan for our family from the beginning. He was born April 29, 2007 and that is around the time I felt the call to adopt again. I began praying that if it was God's will, He would touch Brian's heart. It was the end of July when Brian's heart started changing - which is also when Noah was moved out of the baby hospital and moved to a foster family. It was the end of August when we applied to start the homestudy and September 9 our homestudy began. We decided to move in December 2007, and sold our house - in a declining market - in three weeks. Around the time we completed painting and settling into our new house, we found Noah. But most importantly, I know he was planned for us because of the way he completed my heart.

And Brian? How is he with a boy?

It's a God thing!

Orphan Sunday

On this day, there are approximately 147 million children in the world who have no family. They sit in foster homes, orphanages and institutions dreaming of being held, being loved and being able to call someone Mommy and Daddy. Some of them rock themselves to sleep at night, some try to survive by stealing food, while others close down, knowing that their cries will go unheeded.

And like countless times, I think about them, pray for them, and ask God for help in aiding just one more child to come home in the arms of a loving family. My role is minute. But I will do what I can to help bring them home, and I pray that maybe one day he will expand my territory.

But mostly today, I am thinking about my children's birth mothers. I cannot imagine the social and political turmoil they faced during their pregnancies, yet each choosing to give my children life. Then, the pain and sacrifice in saying goodbye. One in the middle of the night, under the cover of darkness. The other, while her child was clinging to life in an incubator. Each not knowing what would become of her child, hoping for a better life, but not knowing what that would mean.

The perspective of the birthmother did not truly occur to me until we were finally coming home after an arduous fourteen days of hard travel, new parenthood and no sleep. We were on a bus in Guangzhou, China headed for the airport. We were going home, and Sophia was leaving her homeland and that reality struck me. Thoughts of Sophia's loss and her birthmother's loss would not let me loose. A woman carried my daughter, hid her pregnancy so that she would not be forced to abort her child, and gave birth to her. Who was with her, did she have help, was she alone, was she scared, was her heart torn irreparably when she walked away? My daughter was laid to be found just a block from the orphange by a government building. Why did she choose that spot? Was she close by, watching for the moment Sophia was found? I was finally a mother, because of this woman's sacrifice, and I could suddenly feel her pain. It gripped me and I was forever changed. I immediately loved her with an odd intensity. She brought Sophia into this world despite the insurmountable challenges and hardships. She loved our child enough to give her life.

I had a dream about three years later that I met Sophia's birth mom. It felt so real, so authentic. She was a small Chinese lady with sad eyes, yet proud and independent, like our Sophia. I looked at her and through my sobs, I was able to tell her thank you. I have had a peace since that night. The dream came after beseeching God for years to give her peace and to whisper to her heart that Sophia is happy, healthy and loved beyond measure. Perhaps it was God's reply.

I have heard critics of adoption with arguments against it.

My reply to them is as follows: Thank God that He did not make arguments for not adopting us as his children. Without adoption into his family we would be languishing, with no hope, with no future, rocking ourselves to sleep, stealing others food, closing down - knowing our cries would go unheeded.

They would remain orphans if we did not come to them.

And love. This is LOVE.

It transcends race, culture and bloodlines.

And I celebrate all of the people who have made them who they are.

Halloween 2010

Halloween has never been my favorite holiday. I mean, I just don't get it. Dressing up in scary outfits and begging for candy just never appealed to me. Of course, after having kids, I understand that they think it's fun, so we do all of the required festivities. It is fun with kids. Usually.





But today, oh today, was different. Why? Noah didn't have a nap. He's three. This is where all the parents out there say, "oooooohhhh, yeah. That's rough." He went hunting with Brian in the morning, slept in the car on the way back home for thirty minutes, and we went to our church's big annual Harvest Hoedown when they got home. Harvest Hoedown has lots of games, lots of inflatables, lots of candy, and lots of people. We went with some friends of ours - one of them being Sophia's friend Ben pictured in my previous post - and about midway through it, Sophia's attitude went south. Why? Best I can tell... Noah. See Noah loves Ben too, and Ben enjoys hanging out with Noah. Three's a crowd, and Sophia does not share well. So, that was great. But thankfully, they did have some fun.






After Hoedown, we came home and met up with some neighbors who have a tractor and trailer. Every year they have a big hayride for kids and their parents to ride while trick or treating. They are pretty amazing people. They have four young boys and still manage to organize the shindig - complete with chili, hot chocolate and lots of other goodies that everyone nibbles on while the kids do their thing. Here's a photo of the rig.

The first thirty minutes were great. We were all having a fantastic time. Then Noah decides to have a full tilt boogie 3 year old melt down over a piece of candy. The child screamed bloody murder, while all of these strangers looked on. I felt like mother of the year. Brian, thankfully, removed Noah from the wagon and had a man to man talk with him. And things were better, for a little while. Then, Sophia was running back to the tractor after coming from this house

fell and skinned her knee pretty badly. So, we played doctor to the wound and tried to get her back in the game. Reluctantly, she did. But it was about that time that Noah reverted back to throwing his candy fit, dropping hot chocolate in my lap, and being, let's say uncooperative. Brian opted to walk him home. So, I, happy to not be getting screamed at, turned to enjoy Sophia, who was savoring some hot chocolate and poking at the cup, until she poked too hard and down poured the hot syrupy brown milk, all over her $60 cheerleading uniform, legs and shoes.

I was no longer feeling the Halloween "fun". A few more houses, and Soph and I hit the road for home to find Noah handing out candy to a swarm of kids. I do believe that was the most fun Noah had all day.

Now, the kids are asleep, and I am headed that way, glad that the next holiday is one of my favorites. Even if there is tantrum throwing and milk spilling, at least Thanksgiving is a holiday I can genuinely get my arms around - and there's not an excessive amount of candy involved throwing my overly tired children into sugar fits.

My Kids

I was told today that my kids own my heart. I have to say it's true. Despite the obvious day to day frustrations of having two young children, my mind is usually wrapped around my kids. But then, what mother doesn't feel that way?

For those of you who don't know my kids, let me introduce you. First, meet Noah.

Ahhhh, Noah. I call him my angel sent straight down from heaven, by way of Korea. The child is pure joy. He is also determined, head-strong and has a rock-solid will. It isn't any wonder to me that he was born at 27 weeks and not only survived, but flourished. He will not be detered. Noah is full of life, full of love, full of humor and once someone meets him, they don't soon forget him! When he loves, he loves deep and strong. The first moment I saw him in Korea, I was in love with him. He was and is the piece of my heart that I didn't even know was missing until I held him for the first time. After he joined our family, my heart felt whole, complete. I believe that anyone who knows us well, knows that our bond is pretty special.

But I am not the only girl Noah loves. A year ago, at the ripe old age of 2 1/2, Noah met Samantha Jane at school. Samantha, at 18 months old, was a veteran at the preschool (her mom is the director). Since the first day, Samantha took Noah under her wing, mothered him, reassured him and tried to show him that school was fun. Now, it is safe to say, that they love each other. The first thing he asks every morning is, "am I going to see Samantha today?" and the first thing he does when he goes to school is ask, "where is Samantha?". The boy also has her picture framed on his bedside table. Every once in a while, he will look at it and tell her that he loves her "so much".

Her mother and I have discussed sending them to the same elementary school...

My Noah is all boy. He loves hunting, baseball, football, karate and wearing camo. For a while I couldn't get him to wear anything but camo. I even bought him camo underwear and camo shoes. Now, a friend of his wears jerseys everyday, and he is asking for jerseys.... And if you know me, you know that what the boy asks for, the boy gets.....

And then, there is my beautiful, smart, independent, sassy little girl, Sophia.

When Sophia came to us, she was one week shy of 12 months old. She, too, was a scrapper, though for different reasons than Noah. She was tiny: 26 inches tall and 16 pounds, but she was striking.

I always knew I would have Sophia. I wanted an Asian daughter since I was twelve, and I picked her name out sometime in my youth. When I met Brian, I told him that if he wanted to marry me, he would have to agree to adopting a daughter from Asia. Obviously, he did. Adopting her drove me for the first five years of our marriage. I spent hours looking at waiting child websites, completed my degree in social work so that I could work in the adoption field, researched programs and agencies and prayed for God to direct us to our daughter. In September of 2003, I felt that her birth mother was pregnant with her. We submitted our application on January 10, 2004, and she was born February 1, 2004. On December 13, 2004, we saw her picture for the first time.

My heart stood still. So many years of praying and dreaming of her and then finally seeing the child God had planned for us, it was nothing short of a miracle. I loved her instantly, but I always had. When I look at this picture now, I see the very essence of her. I know that face - every detail of it. I remember looking at it back then, studying her, trying to learn who she was, what she would be like, wondering if she would even like me.

She did - she loved me fervently and still does! That girl taught me what love is and how to love and what needing love feels like. Motherhood the first time was hard. Very hard. It was not what I expected. She was not what I expected - after nearly 20 years of dreaming about her. But she grabbed hold of me and did not give up on her very inept mother. Before she came to me, I asked God to prepare her heart for the changes in her life, but I never asked him to prepare mine - he had prepared hers enough for mine as well. I asked him for patience, and through becoming a mother, he taught it to me. Seeing who she has become and is becoming, brings me to tears - of joy. She is smart, intuitive, creative, ambitious, thoughtful, and deep. She loves learning, seeking answers, and excels in karate, gymnastics, chess and cheerleading. She is not scared of performing, singing, making toasts at weddings and trying new things. Sometimes she makes observations of a child twice her age. Sophia is an amazing person - in her own right - and I am so proud that I am privileged to be her mother.

So, yes, my children own my heart. I can not imagine my life without them.

Oh yeah, and Noah is not alone in finding love early .....

Lord have mercy!